Yellow Pages and Anal Sex

November 30, 2007

My job was selling Advertising for the Yellowpages… I had a special knack for finding Ghetto trash and convincing them that they should spread their asses on the Yellow Pages. Of course the people who worked at the Yellowpages with me might remind me that my “official” sections were “Beverage” companies, clowns, entertainment and all the New York City fun stuff…. I was a greedy bastard and found the Hookers first generation on the internet and convinced them to buy advertising for a Yellow Pages that did not distribute and got bought by YellowBook. The reason they let me get away with it was because my boss was always going to take the best sections for himself… what I was always very good at doing as a salesman was making a market where he wasn’t looking. Because I was smart… I knew how to use the internet before the other guys in the office. I was calling women in Queens and Brooklyn who had a cheap small time ad, and convinced them to pay huge money upfront for a big time yellow page. Sadly the company was evil and never even printed the stupid book. Biggest scam ever… Sara (my girl) came to my office and started throwing YellowPages out the window. She was pissed when she realized what I was up to. Our offices were at Columbus Circle… across the street from where the Time Warner Building is now. The whole thing was evil. I worked with the girl whose boyfriend ran the trucking company that actually distributed the books and he confirmed that the company actaully only printed maybe 10,000 or so YellowPages. They were able to sell the Book to YellowBook because it was in COLOR and it was forcing YellowBook to print in a likewise format. Rather then have to compete and also make the expense of printing in color… YellowBook bought the operation for two million dollars. 50% of the advertising in this book was Escort Agencies and Massage Parlors… LOL!
I used to call hookers… stoned as shit…. and harass them while they said… “I not inteWESTING” which is Asian for, “I’m not interested in buying your criminal organization’s advertising”. I should be thanking Advertising for teaching me how to be so full of shit…. I learned the hard way… I would never want anyone to do what I did…. but then again the only reason they let me into such a corrupt operation is they saw someone who had the qualities of innocence and idealism…. I come across as a believer… As an actor I am class A…. but I get too emotionally involved to ever go and be a society person. There is no doubt that I piss off the ladies… but only because I have found it to be beneficial to do it… girls like it rough… they like to fight. and it was helpful with the hookers…., but I lack the slimyness of say some one like Bill Clinton. I will never be at that level of persuasion. I wish I could. He was in a class of slime all by himself. I envy him. I have paid my dues for fucking with the ladies. In my early 20’s I did not have one Cavity. After having a camera shoved in my mouth by an angry Alpha-Male at a college party…. I now have had 6 root canals and 2 teeth extracted. Ah the life of an asshole is wonderful. I wish I could say that my knowledge was going to a cure for cancer… but alas… I am nothing but a study of psychology…. the darker parts. I am now unemployed… I live with my parents and my girl and son live with their parents. Looking back on it… Did I have a choice? What were the job options? Would I have my son today if I had not taken part in something so corrupt?

When I worked in advertising my boss was highly anti-semitic. Of course all his friends were Jewish… so I guess that justifies it? As a Jew I found this disturbing. So I began to ask why he felt this way… and we went through all the contracts in the company and I would have to agree that anyone who was Jewish was not paying his or her bill. At first glance it looked like exactly the stereotype I did not want to hear or know… but it was true. But if you looked close at the truth… there was another factor. The Jewish people who were working in advertising were less likely to be involved in a larger operation… they were mostly independent artists that suffered the up and downs of working in the creative field. The larger photo studios and operations that were working regularly were less likely to be controlled by a Jewish person. Corporate life is not friendly to people who like to be self employed. Sometimes we look at the data and interpret it as we want to see it. Sometimes not. Yes it was true that Jewish people did not pay their bills in advertising… it did not mean that all Jews were cheap. It was a pattern in one industry. I would be lying if I said I didn’t see the hard data first hand or if I were so politically correct that I would be afraid to notice the pattern. I also would have to say that since I was working for “The Black Book”… you would have to argue that maybe the Jewish people were smart enough to know the book wasn’t distributing and the larger operations were afraid of their reputation and would prefer to pay a bill even if they knew they were being ripped off. The same thing happened when I worked for the Yellow Pages in NYC. The moving companies and locksmiths were all Israeli owned and simply were criminal. They also were the ones who were charged more for advertising pages then anyone else. It became part of my bosses psych to write Jewish people off as cheap to simplify his life into such a way that he could predict what was going to happen. Of course he was always right because he worked in the industry… but when you are in a pattern you begin to not see things outside the pattern. Certainly the company made a pretty penny off of all those Jewish Doctors and Lawyers that they overcharged for advertising that didn’t work. But those were not my bosses sections or expertise… The Jewish Yellow pages had all the Doctors and Lawyers… and I assure you that those people are generally pretty good at paying their bills. Another racism we found were Gypsies… why? Because all the Gypsies in the Yellow Pages were psychics… and psychics are scam artists. That doesn’t mean that all Gypsies are scam artists… it means that Psychics are. I just write what I see… I try to be as honest as possible. I have found British Illustrators to be snobby as shit, frankly anti-social and mean spirited. Illustration Reps to be bitchy and overly P.C. … Fashion Stylists to be just plain stupid and bitchy (very similar to whores). Beverage companies run by thugs…. Floral designers to be criminals…. um… Modeling Agencies to be run by the lowest scum on earth. geez… how many other patterns can I come up with that if you showed this text to… I would never get another job in my life. I would say the only business I ever sold advertising to that were full of people who were nice to me were Escort agencies and only the upscale ones. My basic point is that there are some people who are more likely to not pay their bills… they tend to be smart and self employed. Anyone who has a whole huge corporation to lose isn’t going to cut corners on something petty. It has nothing to do with race at all… it has to do with conditioning. So to get back to my point about the French girl… many French people are artistically inclined. they live a lifestyle that is a little less hygienic then the American bourgeois are accustomed to. This French girl was giving me a hard time about the $20 because she thought I was a cheap Jew… I’m not a cheap Jew. I was a 17 year old poor Jew who needed the money for lunch the next day.

Language is an important thing. it’s forum and convention is less important. poetry is part of communication… but I doubt you will ever seem me standing up at open mike for the acclaim of a bunch of ladies that look like they are the mothers from the movie or book “Running with Scissors”.

As far as Poetry I am reading a lot of Theology these days and I am always surprised at how adept the Hebrews are with intellectual metaphor… without the snobby wittiness of the English or the lyricism of the Greeks.

I hate to put this out to the art crowd because they are so snide… but I am a direct descendant of “Emma Lazarus” the poet on the statue of Liberty. And yes I do think it does mean something that the descendant of a feminist poet got picked on by a bunch of feminists for most of his life.

Would I like to learn more poetry… I think so. I think I’m missing out. I liked E.E. Cummings in highschool… um Emerson and uh Walt Whitman. …but I’m not an expert. I just was lucky enough to take a few classes. I loved uh uh Oscar Wilde… yeah… did I spell that right? It’s all good.