Hollywood Celebrity Stories

April 19, 2007


All the Hollywood Celebrities who want to save the environment…
I have the solution for you. It’s Celebrity Porn for the Environment!

Angelina Jolie, the multi-adoptive mother and UN goodwill ambassador, showed up, too. Together with Brad Pitt, she stood there, and both talked about “the responsibility of artists” and the “obligation to give.” They were all very convinced.

All proceeds will also go to save the starving anorexics in Beverly Hills
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Ms. Williams
Excuse me young man.

Ben
Yess’um….

Ms. Williams
Do you have any romantic comedy with an older male curmudgeon?

Ben
Actually no ‘mam

Ms. Williams
Do you have any romantic comedy with Sean Connery?

Ben
Actually no ‘mam…, I don’t…, I don’t think he did any of those.

Ms. Williams
I thought this was a video store.

Ben
Well it is. But I don’t think Mr. Connery did a romantic comedy. . Perhaps something with Anthony Hopkins?

Ms. Williams
Oh, too bad. Mr. Connery is so sexy! He should get romantic leads. Hopkins is nice…, but he scares me… I was hoping for an older James Bond Teddy Bear!

Ben
Yes… well I have had a few of those requests lately

Ms. Williams
You have?

Ben
Yes I have…, that is why I keep this guy in the back.

Ms. Williams
So he knows a romantic comedy with Sean Connery?

Ben
No… you will see….

Ms. Williams
See what?!

Ben
I keep this in the back just for cases like you.

Ms. Willians
O.k… what is it? It’s not something vile is it?

Ben
No.., well yes. Well, um to me it is um vile… but to you… I think you will like it.

Ms. Williams
Uh..

Ben
Here. you go… (opens door) I keep these in the back just for customers like yourself.

(out walks a Scottish balding guy)

Ben
He’s been studying ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphics in the stock room.

Ms. Williams
OH!

Ben
….he’s zesty and pungent. He’s been smoking a pipe and eating raw garlic. He hasn’t showered for a month. I think you will like him.. He is angry half deaf and makes vile smells around three in the morning. Just make sure you feed him, take him for a walk in the park…, and above all keep him away from younger women.

Scottish guy
Who is this fair damsel. I demand you tell me who this angel is.

Ms. Williams
Oh!

Ben
This is the fair lady Williams.

Scottish Guy
Well it certainly is a pleasure my dear.

Ms. Williams.
Oh my!

Ben
Just doing my job.

Scottish Guy
Come, the game is afoot. Let us take our expedition to the museum.

Ms. Williams
Tee hee heee

Ben
I am glad you are happy.

Next guy in line
Perhaps you can help me…, I’m a metrosexual politically correct type.

Ben
I have just the thing. “Porn, the Musical” It is just the type of thing for a guy who spends his time around musical theatre people and yet likes women. You can get the best of both worlds.

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Daniel just arrived in the airport in Los Angeles @ LAX and Chris sent a Russian Jewish guy named Alexi in a Mercedes S class to pick my brother Daniel up.(Alexi is from Washington Heights formerly) After the formal greeting Chris looks at Alexi… “Alexi aren’t you broke? Where in the hell is the Mercedes from?” Alexi looks over and says… “dating a rich woman… taking her kids out and stuff. Picking them up from school… you know? Gotta keep up the domestic appearance” Chris says…”your dating an older woman? Who is it? Alexi says, “Sharon Stone”