I’m almost 85% sure this is a joke, but these NK guys have written crazier things.
On behalf of the entire membership of Neturei Karta, comprising the overwhelming majority of one tenth of a quarter percent of all Jewish people in Monsey, we wish to condemn in the strongest terms the reading of the so called Megillas Esther, a controversial book that was included in many editions of Tanach, and considered a gratuitous provocation to the peace loving people of Iran and their honestly elected President Mahmoud, Ahmadinejad, who has graciously paid for our tickets to Teheran, as well as a number of other expenses in our struggle.
This book, the Book of Esther, deals with a beauty contest winner who married a gentile, and calls for the slaughter of peace loving Iranians rather than relying upon proper Iranian government authorities. The book condones Jewish militancy and armed aggression when we are guests in a land not our own. Throughout the ages, this book has offended the leadership of nations within whose borders we have lived. Indeed Germany, a country in which Jews lived in peace for hundreds of years, banned the reading of this provoicative book during a troubled 12 year period in our history in that country.
We call upon all Jews not to provoke our gentile neighbours and rulers such as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad by hoooting derisively at his esteemed ancestor Haman Haagagi, who was as great a man in Iran as Henry Kissinger was in our time.
It is well known that Mordechai HaYehudi, the uncle of Esther, did not wear a shtreimel or even speak Yiddish, making his pronouncements in the “Book of Esther” extremely suspect. Additionally, the laws and customs of modern day Iran bar the consumption of alcohol, making the drunkenness associated with this so called holiday unthinkable.
We hope that all Jews will follow our psak, endorsed by no less an authority than the Cheeseburger Rebbe, Rabbi Shaya Gatz. The proper way to observe this day is to stay home, drink a glass of tea and donate money to pay for the Israeli flags that we burn regularly at our mass demonstrations.
Supreme High Rabbinical Allied Council of Khareidim (S.H.R.E.C.K.)